Mommy, are you there?

With over 200 votes cast, the “Mommy Are You There” poll declared Ronald Gidwitz as the winner—22% of the voters said that of all the Illinois Gubernatorial candidates, Gidwitz was probably hugged the least as a child. James Oberweis came in second with a strong 20%--the Oberweis campaign quickly dismissed the results.

“Polls at this point mean nothing,” said spokesperson Jerry Wilcott. “As the voters get to know Jim, they will realize that he was never hugged as a child.”

Bill Brady, who received the fewest votes with 9%, said it should not dissuade voters from ultimately choosing him.

“Look, I still live at home, so I get hugged everyday,” said a dejected Brady. “But trust me, when I move out on my own, I am not hugging anybody. That is my commitment—that is my vow.”

Experts disagree on the significance of hugging and electoral performance.

“It depends on the method of adult hugging,” declared Leo Busca, Professor of Human Relations at University of Illinois-Circle. “Too much touching can lead to a solitary life of gambling and onanism.”

However, candidate Rauschenberger was so moved by the poll’s results that he dropped out of the race and teamed up with the winner.

“Ron has proved he has the votes,” said Senator Rauschenberger. “I only got 11%--11%!! I know that I was loved as a child—but I tried to hide it from the voters. They saw right through it.”

At tonight’s double-secret campaign rally between Rauschenberger and Gidwitz, there were no hugs. Gidwitz set the tone of the new campaign by immediately punching Rauschenberger and insulting his knit sweater. But Rauschenberger fought back--hitting Gidwitz square on the nose and damning Gidwitz to one of his housing projects.

A dazed but bloody Gidwitz bounced back quickly though.

“Hey buddy, let’s go get that red head.”