Todd projected to Win
With 78% of the precincts reporting, Illinois Shadow is projecting Todd the Stoller the winner in the race for Cook County Board President.
“Crying Tony needs to swallow the hard truth. He lost…Jr. won,” declared Burt Nobles, supervisor of the Cook County election board.
Upon hearing the sad news, six Peraica 1099 contract workers, and one small child, marched to the Chicago Tribune demanding to “let us in” .
“How can we not get elected? Obviously, the Tribune failed us,” said five-year-old Dan Proft. “The Tribune Company had the ability to rename the paper the Chicago Peraica, and they did nothing.”
A stunned Bruce Dolt muttered something about falling circulation and then mentioned his multi-colored socks that he wears on election night.
Stunned and confused, Proft told reporters that they would continue to march, and eventually, blame every Chicago institution for Crying Tony’s loss.
“Don’t think the Art Institute is blameless,” said Proft. “Yeah, like they have real art inside. It is a front for the machine, and we know it.”
“Crying Tony needs to swallow the hard truth. He lost…Jr. won,” declared Burt Nobles, supervisor of the Cook County election board.
Upon hearing the sad news, six Peraica 1099 contract workers, and one small child, marched to the Chicago Tribune demanding to “let us in” .
“How can we not get elected? Obviously, the Tribune failed us,” said five-year-old Dan Proft. “The Tribune Company had the ability to rename the paper the Chicago Peraica, and they did nothing.”
A stunned Bruce Dolt muttered something about falling circulation and then mentioned his multi-colored socks that he wears on election night.
Stunned and confused, Proft told reporters that they would continue to march, and eventually, blame every Chicago institution for Crying Tony’s loss.
“Don’t think the Art Institute is blameless,” said Proft. “Yeah, like they have real art inside. It is a front for the machine, and we know it.”
posted by Illinois Shadow at 6:28 AM
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